Dear Mr. Spammer, thank you for bringing a touch of brightness to my day. It is so kind of you to try to meet my needs for generic viagra, aphrodesiacs, offshore banking opportunities, anatomy enlargement, and the occasional jihad against my own country. I also appreciate your efforts to get closer to me, or at least to my machine, with your friendly daily port scans. In fact, it's flattering to know that you consider my hardware sufficiently powerful to join your army of zombie spamming machines. And the way you harvest my e-mail addresses from public archives and the WHOIS database is just breathtaking in its bold assertiveness.
The time has come, though, for us to part ways. I will miss your offers of "QUALITY ONLINE INSURANCE" and "Re-finance at the lowestt ratess", but the truth is I no longer have the time to continue our relationship. I hope you understand. I have moved on. Your hearty "Fw: " just doesn't bring me the same thrill it once did. Yes, you got my attention when you hijacked that mailing list I run and spammed all the recipients. It was a clever move, but it's no basis for a long termrelationship.
No, the time has come for us to separate. I will remember you fondly when I'm studying computer crime, jurisdiction, and private causes of action. However, I am afraid I shall never be drawn to "URGENT RESPOND?" to your "featured small-cap company".
Fw:  to you, too.